For the first time in a long time, I drove again. I stole mum’s car because mine’s nowhere to be found anymore and I’ve got no idea as to how that could be. I drove around the city for hours— never considering my speed, never thinking about the direction, never stopping, never knowing where to go, never wanting to find out where I want to go. And I felt rather lost than refreshed, for no plausible reason.

          It felt like everything I’ve ever hoped and planned for are now slowly vanishing away from the canvas I’ve painted it all on and from the planner I’ve scribbled it all down. It felt like all the things I’ve held on are the same things that made me give in. And I don’t feel like I’m back to where I started where I had nothing and no one. I feel like I’m back to being nothing— nothing, nothing, nothing.

          I’ve been losing more than I’ve got.